A Fathers Role in the Family free essay sample

We are born like blank pieces of paper, waiting for the black and white to define our futures. With every encounter/relationship we develop, we are supposed to gain something. Shaped by our experience and relationships, the person that we are today is a direct result of the people that we allowed to be a part of the stage play called â€Å"Life†. There are two psychologists known for their work on observational or social learning: Albert Bandura and Julian Rotter. Reciprocal determinism is Bandura’s belief that cognitions, behaviors and the environment interact to produce personality. According to Rotter’s theory, prior learning experiences create cognitive expectances that guide behavior and influence the environment. The absence of a healthy father-child relationship negatively affects a person but anyone can overcome this hurdle and become truly successful in life. A fathers role in the family is far more important than just being the breadwinner and male authority figure. We will write a custom essay sample on A Fathers Role in the Family or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page There is a consensus among the experts in child and family studies that the father’s role in the family affects his children’s development. A solid foundation is the minimal pre-requisite for well-rounded and productive children that should begin with the father. Research findings consistently reveal that warm and affectionate fathers not only can help their children develop positive self-esteem, but also influence the development of their children’s gender role behavior. Fathers play an enormous role in developing infants into healthy adults. According to Wendy Pan, the father child relationship is fundamentally important in its developmental process. The play that a father engages in, which tends to be more physical and spontaneous, contributes to healthy brain development in infants. As infants grow into small children, the role of play takes on broader meaning and value. It takes on the role of teaching the child problem solving, exploring limits, and goal oriented behavior. Also during this stage fathers help children learn to limit emotional outburst and develop empathy through emotional involvement and modeling the appropriate behaviors. When they become school age children, the father help them learn to assume responsibility, encourage taking on challenges, and helping to direct oral development. During adolescence stages, the role of the father is more passive; he takes on the role of an advisor and friend. In the novel â€Å"The Fight Club† (Palahniuk, 2005), the narrator in adulthood, was in search of love and acceptance from his father. â€Å"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college† (Palahniuk, 2005). After college, I called him long distance and said, now what? â€Å"When I got a job and turned 25, long distance, I said, now what (Palahniuk, 2005). Absent fathers, create the ‘roots’ of an epidemic of ‘at risk or high risk’ children. Risks ranging from criminal activity, criminal sexual activity, high states of depression, or simple psychological problems that affect society as a whole. Forty-three percent of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household of that 39 percent with their mothers, 4 percent with their fathers and an additional 14 percent lived in households without either biological parent. Another 14 percent had spent at least part of their childhood in a foster home, agency or other juvenile institution. (US Bureau of Justice Statistics, Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991) This statistic alone is a direct correlation to our societies rising prison costs evolving from nonexistent fathers. Seventy-two percent of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers and 60 percent of Americas rapists grew up the same way. (D. Cornell (et al. ), Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 5, 1987, And N. Davidson, Life Without Father, Policy Review, 1990. The previous fact is one that everyone should remind men to do the best that they can or eventually someone innocent will suffer from something that started before that child or adult even understood the ramifications or their actions. Even controlling for variations across groups in parent education, race and other child and family factors, 18- to 22-year-olds from disrupted families were twice as likely to have poor relationships with their mothers and fathers, to show high levels of emotional distress or problem behavior, and to have received psychological help in their lifetime. In 1988, a study of preschool children admitted to New Orleans hospitals as psychiatric patients over a 34-month period found that nearly 80 percent came from fatherless homes. (Jack Block, et al. Parental Functioning and the Home Environment in Families of Divorce, Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 27 1988). Examples of this these statistics are portrayed daily throughout or news stations and periodicals of children, adolescents, or adults who needed but were without a known family recipe for success. The staggering data referenced all have the same key element of missing fathers or single-family households are a detriment to a children. According to Dalbey, The father wound is epidemic among us. As a result, we see unfathered men growing up armored with a counterfeit of masculinity. When they have children, their sons face the reality of their emotional abandonment; they may never seek the healing they need. In the novel, â€Å"The Fight Club† the narrator had deep rooted internal issues because of the lack of a father figure in their life. He chose violence as a means of a defense mechanism; â€Å"Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer (Palahniuk, 2005, pp. 49). He created the fight club as a way of releasing some steam. â€Å"What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women† (Palahniuk, 2005, pp. 50). I asked Tyler why he had been fighting; Tyler said, his father. Fatherhood is the missing link can make the difference between a child that is self-assured and feels secure and one that fails to connect emotionally and spiritually to those that offer love. We become a product of our environment, if we do not take the necessary steps to stop the cycle. Most absentee fathers are victims of being without a father themselves, this is a statistic that happens about one third of the time. As a look within my community, I see many boys in the bodies of grown men. They do not know how to stand up and be men due to the lack of their fathers never giving them those lessons in manhood. As a small boy in a large world of men, imprisoned by bars of shame from father-abandonment, unable to fulfill one’s destiny, they focus on muscles, intelligence, and destructive energy instead of creatively (Dalbey, 2008). What is more alarming is that the problem is even worse according to the latest research statistics. According to 72. 2 % of the U. S. population, Absentee Fathers is the most significant family or social problem facing America. Children, who live absent from their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor, as well as experience educational, health, emotional and psychological problems. They become victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior opposed to their peers who live with their married, biological mother and father. They are also more likely to join gangs in an effort to try to fit in and find acceptance. Currently, 57. 7 percent of all black children, 31. 8 percent of all Hispanic children, and 20. 9 percent of all white children are living in single-parent homes. Some children are born into this world without hope, depending upon their demographics and economical state. Not with men, but with GOD all things are possible. I grew up in a very unstable home, my mother was a drug user and my father was not an integral part of my life. At the age of 12, my mother packed her bags and left leaving me to fend for myself. I worked at Burger King to put myself through high school and after graduation I enlisted in the US Army. As a teenager, I was very withdrawn and suffered from low self-esteem. I was angry at the world because of my misfortunes and built a defense mechanism against allowing people to get close to me. I engaged in countless meaningless relationships in an effort to find love and acceptance. I was so unhappy that I remember drowning my sorrows in risky sexual behavior and a gambling addiction. I often escaped to the casino, with the loud bells and lights, so I did not have to face my reality. In the novel, â€Å"The Fight Club† the narrator lost site of the world around him and retreated into a fantasy like place where he could attempt to get peace from the issues within. â€Å"I didn’t get any type of buzz; maybe I’d developed a jones†. You are not alive anywhere like you are alive at fight club. (Palahniuk, 2005, pp. 249) As I look back over my life and all of my struggles, I understand that I was not prepared as a child to withstand some of the hurdles that I had to endure. I never saw a healthy relationship between anyone so I struggled with the issues of commitment and submission in my relationship. I did not understand my role as a father and I did not respect my wife’s role in our household. I did not know how to interact lovingly with my wife because I never experienced healthy interactions with my parents. I misunderstood the emotional attachment that my children needed from me because of my tainted past. For years I battled with low self-esteem, I was so busy trying to be everything that I thought everyone else needed to be, I forgot to love me. I remember crying myself to sleep at night because I was so unhappy within. My appearance was my cloak, it would always be covered in the latest attire to keep the emptiness concealed. I was so busy trying to keep up an appearance I ended up in a deep depression. I thought if anyone knew what I had been through he or she would look at me differently. Healing does not occur singularly, you have to seek help. After years of being tired, depressed, and angry, I entered into a spiritual journey to find the man within myself. Reading the word and GOD and having a relationship with HIM has helped me to put the pieces back together. I went through a healing process last summer while on duty and away from my family. Everything that was contained within me need to be purged for me to feel uninhibited. Uninhibited to live without pressure, to love and to accept love without reservation, and generate it back to everyone in my life. I have a new outlook on life since I have been walking with the LORD. GOD healed me from past hurts, past failures, past relationships and unadulterated anger. I only existed through destruction and addiction beyond reasonable belief in a world that seemed to shun me altogether. I did not want to live but I was afraid of letting go. I am a father now that knows only the limits of what I can do for my children by being in their life. I am the corner stone of their foundation before they become productive people in society. I know now through revelation and experience that my children have one of the best tools for success, Me. â€Å"If you ask anything in my name, it shall be given unto you†.